Wow, it's been two months since my last post, it's about time I put something else on here. This may not be the happiest posting, but I have some thoughts that I need to get out, so just bear with me on this.
So today is the day our baby was due. I thought today would be rough, but maybe because I was just so busy all day, I haven't really thought much about it until now. It has always been there in the back of my mind, knowing that we could have had a new little one joining our family by now. I have been very surprised with how easily I have handled the situation, even when it seems like everyone around me is finding out they are pregnant or are having their babies at the same time I should have had mine. It especially doesn't seem fair when I hear about a young, unmarried girl who accidentally got pregnant, and then she complains about all the symptoms that go along with the pregnancy. Doesn't she know that it wouldn't matter to me how sick I was, or how uncomfortable I was because someone is invading my body? I would take all of that if it meant I could have my baby now. The thing that hurts me the most is that I am now going to have to go through so much more just to get pregnant, and it's not guaranteed to work, although I am a very good candidate for IVF. It breaks my heart when Lance tells me he wants a baby brother or sister and I just don't know if we will be able to give him that. Someday, we hope to be able to go down that road and at least see where it will take us. Right now, we are not emotionally or financially ready for that.
We don't know the reasons right now why we have this trial, and we may not know for a very long time, but we feel that things happen for a reason. I know that I have been able to help others by sharing my experience with them because then they realize that what they are going through could have been worse. Maybe that is one reason, but who knows? Mike and I are getting through this together and it is getting easier to talk about. We are happy and we know we will be okay. I appreciate all the love and support from everyone as I have had to go through surgery twice and losing two babies within a 3 month period. It has been 4 months since the second surgery and my body has healed, and my heart is close behind it.
