Wow, it's been two months since my last post, it's about time I put something else on here. This may not be the happiest posting, but I have some thoughts that I need to get out, so just bear with me on this.
So today is the day our baby was due. I thought today would be rough, but maybe because I was just so busy all day, I haven't really thought much about it until now. It has always been there in the back of my mind, knowing that we could have had a new little one joining our family by now. I have been very surprised with how easily I have handled the situation, even when it seems like everyone around me is finding out they are pregnant or are having their babies at the same time I should have had mine. It especially doesn't seem fair when I hear about a young, unmarried girl who accidentally got pregnant, and then she complains about all the symptoms that go along with the pregnancy. Doesn't she know that it wouldn't matter to me how sick I was, or how uncomfortable I was because someone is invading my body? I would take all of that if it meant I could have my baby now. The thing that hurts me the most is that I am now going to have to go through so much more just to get pregnant, and it's not guaranteed to work, although I am a very good candidate for IVF. It breaks my heart when Lance tells me he wants a baby brother or sister and I just don't know if we will be able to give him that. Someday, we hope to be able to go down that road and at least see where it will take us. Right now, we are not emotionally or financially ready for that.
We don't know the reasons right now why we have this trial, and we may not know for a very long time, but we feel that things happen for a reason. I know that I have been able to help others by sharing my experience with them because then they realize that what they are going through could have been worse. Maybe that is one reason, but who knows? Mike and I are getting through this together and it is getting easier to talk about. We are happy and we know we will be okay. I appreciate all the love and support from everyone as I have had to go through surgery twice and losing two babies within a 3 month period. It has been 4 months since the second surgery and my body has healed, and my heart is close behind it.
9 comments:
You'll know when the time is right.
I know it is not nearly the same thing, but Thursday would have been my third anniversary. Last year was a bit harder seeing as how I didn't even get to second anniversary of my wedding before getting divorced, but it seems that I know a few people who had "Memorial Day" weddings. That made it a bit harder, but I am getting over it more each day. I also know that some day, I should reach the point where I am married again, but it is not something that I am actively looking for.
Thanks for sharing. Love ya!
I totally understand. I still remember the due date of the one we lost - January 15th. I'll never foget. I still hurt for that baby even though I wasn't that far along, it was already a baby that I loved in my heart. Love and miss you.
Kathy, what a beautiful, heartfelt commentary. I really empathize with you and know that you feel sad. Thanks for sharing. Trust in the Lord and lean NOT to thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Isn't is nice that family can gather round you in love.
Kathy,
I don't quite know how you feel- never being pregnant at all- but I know that dealing with inferility at all is heartbeaking. I imagine the heartbreak being worse. Having gone thru IVF 2x (and it not working) I would be more than happy to chat with you and share our experiences...good and not so good. It takes time and I think talking about it some too to start to heal. There is always that tender spot in your heart that can produce tears on a sunny day...You are in our thoughts a prayers. I love this blog and post links all over, but it is simply WONDERFUL and it is healing for me. I must admit I visit it almost daily. http://therhouse.blogspot.com/ By the way...if Discover ever starts hiring again their insurance does cover 90% upto 15k for procedures and 10k for meds...which is why I stared working there in the 1st place. So, that helped our budget for the 2x. So, ask around and see if anyone knows if their company covers it- if you want to do ivf sometime in the future and then get hired! We love you guys!
I'm so sorry that things aren't easier for you right now. I had a miscarriage once when I was almost three months along. That baby would have just turned one last month.
I know I can't fully empathize, but I do know that God understands your heartache. It helped me to know that other couples have struggles having children, so I appreciate you sharing. We're thinking of you!
Kathy, thanks for sharing. I can't imagine the pain you feel but I do have to say that you are seriously one of the strongest women ever! It's hard to fathom why this has happened to you but you are strong and you will be blessed. Love ya sis!
Kathy, what profound words. I am unfortunately crying right now but so happy for the outlook you can always bring to things. I also cannot imagine how hard this must be for you and Mike. I admire that you can look at this as some way of helping or teaching others. You are and have always been so amazing!
Kathy Grandpa Bowen called you "Our Miracle Baby". I think you know the story. With the help of the Army I had surgery to correct my problem and 10 years after Michael you started the rest of the family. I too had to sit and listen the problems and inconvinence of having a baby now and my heart ache to hold one then the "family came". You're in my prayers that one day "My Miracle Baby" will have hers. I love you and proud of what you've become. Love Mom
I just wanted to say I love you, and things do happen for a reason, and there will be a day when you will be able to look back and see the plan and how this fit into it. But you know that already!
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